Hope

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SURE THING


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At first it always feels like
Coming home from someplace 
Still I pull up short 
Already a million miles away again 
Don’t know why I hesitate 

[I could fall apart]

Emotions they’re breaking 
Over me like waves
Pull me under, push you away
Take my breath away, ‘way, ‘way
Come up clean anyway

[I don’t know how
You get to me like you do 
Now I’m coming undone 
It’s a sure thing (I could fall apart) 
Tell me that I’m right 
I could fall 
But I'm far from a sure thing ]

Staring at the light now 
Bending reality 
Enough to make me believe 
These memories, no where near
They’re killin me, killin me 
Light em up anyway

[I don’t know how
You get to me like you do 
Now I’m coming undone 
It’s a sure thing (I could fall apart) 
Tell me that I’m right 
I could fall 
But I'm far from a sure thing ]

A million miles away
I’m coming undone  
It's a sure thing
Tell me that I’m right 
It's a sure thing

 -Elysianish
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A CANDID NEW YEAR POST


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Today is January 1st, 2019 and I don’t feel anything like they say you are suppose to on this day…

I don’t feel like I’m filled with hope or positivity. In fact I feel the opposite. I feel hopeless and a whole lot of anger. Hopeless to my current circumstance and angry at myself for feeling this way on this day dedicated to new beginnings! Angry that I’m here. Angry that I’m not better even in this moment. Angry that I don’t feel like giving to those around me. Angry that I’m mad at them for not being there for me the way I want them to. Angry that I’m still needing the external validation despite knowing better. Angry that I’m taking this life for granted in this moment. I am just so angry for being HERE.

I felt moved to share these not so festive feelings so that those of you that are feeling the same way know you are not alone. Maybe these words will bring an unexpected comfort to a stranger half way around the world or maybe even to my neighbor next door masked in anonymity. I know putting them out there has somehow transformed the feelings inside me just now. Brought me an inch closer to feeling peace in the raging storm of my mind.

Just don’t give up on yourself. Not this year. Not today. Not yet. You are not alone.