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LASHIFY


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For all my lovelies out there that love the idea of having longer/fuller lashes but are not gifted with the patience to apply lash strips on the daily or hate the idea of sitting still and splurging a whole lot of mula for lash extensions… this is a public service announcement for you!

Cue happy dance. Enter LASHIFY. (Psst the link is a discount code)


Get $20 off your first purchase by clicking any of the LASHIFY links!

According to the brand, LASHIFY is a lash system developed to allow lashers to get a lux lash look with out the inconvenience of time and money spent on lash extensions.

As someone that used to get lash extensions and as someone that has always hated the application mess of strip lashes the concept of LASHIFY sounded more than appealing. I was skeptical at first of the brands claim on how easy they were to apply. So I decided to try it out for myself. So lets take a stroll down LASHIFY Lane.

WHAT: LASHIFY is a faux lash system.

In order to get started you will need to purchase what they call the “Control Kit”. The kit has everything you need to get started.

Control Kit contents: 2 Gossamer’s (lashes) in 12 and 14mm lengths, Whisper Light bond in clear and black (this is the glue), Seal and finish clear coat, and the Fuse Control Wand.

HOW:

Step one: Make sure you start with clean, dry lashes. Avoid any oil-based products, including cleansers and creams on or near the eyes before and after application. Use “Lash Prep” or a non oil based face cleanser to achieve this. Avoid micellar water near the eyes after application as well. Step one is the most important step since the gossamer lashes will not adhere correctly otherwise.

Step two: Free the gossamer lash clusters from their respective cartridges. Get an idea where/how you want to place them (you can find “lash maps” on LASHIFY’S IG feed) to curate personalized looks.

Image result for lashify lash map
Example Lash map
Image result for lashify lash map
Example Lash Map

Step 3: Apply the bond. Make sure you are using enough bond (but not to much) at the roots of your natural lash. You want to keep it at the base of the natural lashes, not brush it through the length of natural lashes. You also want to make sure you are attaching the Gossamers to the lashes and not the waterline. Placement is very important. Many new users may apply on the wetline or to close to the wetline. Not only will the bond not adhere as well there, it’s not possible to get a proper fuse. This will ultimately lead to the lashes not lasting. The glue comes in a double ended package with white (clear glue) on one side and black on the other. For beginners I would recommend using the clear since it is easier to see where you are applying it.

Tip: Remember a little goes a long way! The beauty of this glue and lash combo is that you can rearrange and re-apply each gossamer as many times as you need before you “fuse” it into place.

Photo Credit: Lashify IG: @lashify

Step 4: Fuse! Fusing in the LASHIFY world is the process of attaching gossamer’s to natural lashes via the fuse control wand. As they say a pic is worth a million words. So here ya go…


Photo Credit: Lashify IG: @lashify

You want to make sure you securely fuse each Gossamer. I recommend fusing after applying each Gossamer, and then again when you’ve completed your Lash Map. You can even flip the wand with the tips pointing away from you, and use the curved part to fuse smaller sections closer to the lid. You should also fuse before bed and in the morning. 

The fuse control wand is the magical tweezer like contraption that is designed to deliver the right amount of pressure to safely adhere the gossamer’s to natural lashes. Do not attempt this with regular tweezers as they have sharp edges and can not effectively and most importantly safely fuse the gossamer’s.

Step 5: Finish with the clear coat to take away any sticky residue from the glue (which should not be much unless you have applied too much glue).

Note: You can replace the clear coat with “Night Bond” and “Glass”. These are the other bonds that LASHIFY offers to be used in addition to whisper light to achieve longer lasting lashes. If you do plan to wear them for more than one day make sure you shower facing away from the shower head to avoid to much direct hot water/steam.

Step 6: Go forth into the world knowing your lash game is on point!

LASHIFY proved to be a game changer for me and I think I may have found a new addiction. No more gunky mascara or ruining perfectly done eye makeup from fumbling with strip lashes.

Their customer service has been exceptional as well. I have asked their concierge service numerous questions regarding shipping, application and even tips; every time they have been super helpful and courteous. They will also set up a one on one with a Lashify Xpert via FaceTime upon request.

Try them out and use this link to get $20 off your control kit purchase or purchase of $100 or more. Also, click on any other LASHIFY link in this post and it will lead you to the same page to get the $20 off. Let me know what you think if you decide to try them!

Love,

Elysianish

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SURE THING


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At first it always feels like
Coming home from someplace 
Still I pull up short 
Already a million miles away again 
Don’t know why I hesitate 

[I could fall apart]

Emotions they’re breaking 
Over me like waves
Pull me under, push you away
Take my breath away, ‘way, ‘way
Come up clean anyway

[I don’t know how
You get to me like you do 
Now I’m coming undone 
It’s a sure thing (I could fall apart) 
Tell me that I’m right 
I could fall 
But I'm far from a sure thing ]

Staring at the light now 
Bending reality 
Enough to make me believe 
These memories, no where near
They’re killin me, killin me 
Light em up anyway

[I don’t know how
You get to me like you do 
Now I’m coming undone 
It’s a sure thing (I could fall apart) 
Tell me that I’m right 
I could fall 
But I'm far from a sure thing ]

A million miles away
I’m coming undone  
It's a sure thing
Tell me that I’m right 
It's a sure thing

 -Elysianish
Sharing, WRITING LETTERS

DEAR STRANGER,


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I’m writing to tell you that I see you.

It’s possible you wouldn’t care in the least bit if you knew. It’s also possible this message will seek you out in a moment of need.

Either way I hope you come to know that YOU are not invisible to me.

I think about you and wonder who you might be, what you must be thinking and where you are headed. Sometimes you are an elderly woman waiting for the bus as I speed by to catch the light. At other times you are a child walking with a back pack miles away from the nearest school. We never cross paths (at least that I’m aware of), I never get to acknowledge your presence with a smile or even ask you what your name is.

But you choosing to BE has a magnificent impact on me. Even if only for a few moments at a time. For those moments I am truly thankful for you.

You see, you being you makes me wonder and wonder is the catalyst of life. You give my life context with the juxtaposition of your circumstance next to mine. You help me connect to myself and the grand design.

With that said, I hope these words find you when you need them most.

Much Love,

Elysianish

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PATRIARCHAL FAMILY TOTEMS


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Hiiiii!

So… I was scrolling through IG the other day (living my best life, minding my own biz 😜) when I came across an innocent post that a friend of mines husband had put up of a makeshift family totem.

The wall arrangement depicted the the father at the top, followed by the mother, the child and then of course the family pet. Cute right?

On most days I would think so too and just leave it at that.

However, this time my typical response was accompanied by annoyance stemming from a single question…

Obviously their placement of the totem figures was based on traditional western interpretation of hierarchical order (top down, with the top being a position of authority and dominance).

Now before you get your nickers in a twist. I am not trying to paint this as a horrific act against feminism or undermining their family/personal expression. I respect it. Which is why I didn’t make it my business to evoke this specific conversation with them directly or leave any remarks regarding my thoughts on their post. By all means do you as long as you aren’t going out of your way to hurt people.

I am sure they probably weren’t even remotely thinking about their post in terms of patriarchy vs. feminism. To them it was probably just a cute way to depict their family. And it is. Adorable even. I am simply using this as an example of how patriarchy has been so normalized in our culture. In fact it has been so normalized that I actually feel like I have to defend myself to point something like this out to avoid being painted as a crazed feminist (I’m not, just a raging one at times lol) #ridiculous

Most of us wouldn’t even think twice about this totem formation. Most probably would set it up the same way by default and maybe even do it with a quizzical look on their face when asked to do it differently: wondering why it’s even a question. They would place the male figure (in a hetero-sexual house hold) on the top; explaining it’s perfectly normal and follows tradition (this is usually accompanied by a look of pride that I never really understood). All the while this tradition is based on the dated belief that the man is the head of the homestead and the woman his subordinate.

However, by no means is that an accurate or even acceptable assumption anymore. It may seem harmless enough but maybe we need to start considering implications of mindlessness such as this. The underlying message carries a lot of weight. The message that it sends to girls and boys equally as they grow up and form their sense of self. Clearly I’m not saying a simple wall totem goes up and a little girl will be enslaved to the patriarchy as a result or that a little boy will become a sexist entitled pig (extreme I know). But the society that SHE grows up in, that mindlessly depicts such a hierarchy through a million other constructs aimed at her, makes it a hell of a lot harder for her to be equal to her brother (in her mind as well as others).

I think it’s a conversation worth having. I don’t think I’m being petty or the “politically correct” police. All I’m asking is that we start being a bit more aware, at the least, of the implications of the not so obvious and maybe even be open to having a convo like this.

Peace and Love,

Elysianish

ASPIRING, Sharing

QUIET ACCOMPLISHMENTS


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Reflecting on 2018 I asked myself what I was most proud of last year. Looking around in my mind I couldn’t find anything substantially rooted in the material that reflected an obvious accomplishment or even a token of some goal achieved (cuz umm honestly last year was not my year for goal setting, ya feelin me…) Anyway, the most beautiful answer came to me despite the nuclear panic in my mind. A little voice was brave enough to speak up and say, “I am proud of the friendships I have allowed myself to curate”.

I thought to myself “Damn girl! That’s some real depth! Good for you! That is so true!” Ha!

Although, some of these friendships have come and gone with the seasons (totally okay and normal). I think some are meant to be that way. Some have lasted a couple of decades and continue to grow. But the ones that matter most, no matter the time span, are in-explainable and leave a lasting impression.

It’s cheesy I know. But I don’t care. It’s the good stuff in life! Literally Gouda is one of my fav’s (hehe). Seriously though it can be really easy to dismiss quiet accomplishments that are not written in bold in your obituary, like getting that house or college degree, but they are just as important. Actually, I think the quiet little victories are more important but what do I know. lol

Keep your chin up darlings!

Love,

Elysianish

ASPIRING, Sharing

A CANDID NEW YEAR POST


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Today is January 1st, 2019 and I don’t feel anything like they say you are suppose to on this day…

I don’t feel like I’m filled with hope or positivity. In fact I feel the opposite. I feel hopeless and a whole lot of anger. Hopeless to my current circumstance and angry at myself for feeling this way on this day dedicated to new beginnings! Angry that I’m here. Angry that I’m not better even in this moment. Angry that I don’t feel like giving to those around me. Angry that I’m mad at them for not being there for me the way I want them to. Angry that I’m still needing the external validation despite knowing better. Angry that I’m taking this life for granted in this moment. I am just so angry for being HERE.

I felt moved to share these not so festive feelings so that those of you that are feeling the same way know you are not alone. Maybe these words will bring an unexpected comfort to a stranger half way around the world or maybe even to my neighbor next door masked in anonymity. I know putting them out there has somehow transformed the feelings inside me just now. Brought me an inch closer to feeling peace in the raging storm of my mind.

Just don’t give up on yourself. Not this year. Not today. Not yet. You are not alone.


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Depression Does Not Discriminate


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Depression is something I have been experiencing for a long time now. I believe for me it showed up in middle school and has followed me into adulthood.

The first signs started in middle school,  when I first learned that my parents really fought and that my dad was and abusive man. To top it off I was dealing with changes my body was going through and the new found weight of societal expectations for teenage girls; what it meant to be beautiful, intelligent, and valued as a female.

But it wasn’t that big of a deal… right? Everyone deals with this stuff.

By the end of grade 10 my grades started to reflect a significant decline. I was tired all the time, had a hard time focusing on homework at home. This was out of the norm for me. I was a curious kid and always enjoyed learning. Despite the changes I still managed to keep up with AP classes, Varsity sports and Choir. I was an involved kid. I like it that way. The less time I had to spend at home the better. No big deal. Normal teenage stuff… right?

Slowly though the things that mattered to me all became muted, lack luster and lost meaning. I found myself being associated with descriptives like “lazy” and “fat” from family. But I didn’t see myself like that at all. I was trying… it just wasn’t showing for some reason. I became a source of frustration for my parents because they couldn’t figure out why on earth I couldn’t get my act together despite having everything I could possibly need handed to me to be happy and successful.

And I couldn’t figure it out either. Why was it so hard to just do it (Nike swoosh). I knew I was more than capable in many ways yet all my energy seemed to be drained by trying to be ready to be ready.  I would try to reason with myself (even up until a few years ago) by citing all the opportunities and support I have received through out my life from friends and family. But it would only frustrate me and fuel the torch that I was carrying that I did not have a valid or good enough reason to be depressed. I couldn’t be depressed. That was something that only happened to the weak of mind… right?

It became a vicious cycle that never led to any improvement. And to make matters worse people close to me fueled that flame further by re-iterating the “facts”. That I had no reason to be depressed. I was too “strong” and had so many cushiony things to be thankful for.

I don’t blame them for giving me bad advise though. People just didn’t know better. Honestly, most still don’t because it is the same mindless advise handed down to them. Although there is a shift taking place, most people are not being educated on mental health.

Till this day, as an adult that struggles with depression, I hear this misinformed advise pop up in conversations often. It usually takes form in the guise of a well intended pep-talk. ” Don’t be silly. Look on the bright side! You have so much to be thankful for (insert job, car, house, etc.) You just need to work a little harder, be more motivated or stop being so sensitive.”

Really? Its maddening. For many different reasons. But the main reason is that there is this pervasive notion that someone has to reach a subjective standard of being in a truly shit circumstance to be worthy of being able to feel or be depressed. Furthermore if you manage to jump that hurdle you better be prepared to jump another one to get over the stigma associated with seeking help for it. And if you don’t meet the subjective acceptable levels of being in a rough spot then be prepared to dawn the label of being a drama queen, someone that doesn’t take ownership or just being plain lazy.

Look I’m not advocating for depression to be a scapegoat for individuals who happen to be carriers of the not so great attributes listed above. But there is a difference between being plain lazy and being depressed. It may or may not be so obvious at times;  but thats were the aid of your friendly mental healthcare practitioner or simply spending time researching the topic would come in handy. Mmmk.

We don’t question someones validity to be sick when they are diagnosed with a cold or especially with something like cancer. So why do we question them when they are experiencing a form of psychological illness? It makes no sense.

Colds and Cancer don’t discriminate. Neither does depression.

It doesn’t matter what your socio economic class is, how tall you are, what color your skin is, what your age is, what your sex is, what car you drive or what your home mortgage costs every month. Depression can happen to anyone. It is not some right you have to earn to be justified in experiencing it. It just happens.

You are allowed to feel it, talk about it, and most importantly seek help for it no matter who you are or what your life circumstance is.

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WHY F-ING UP IS COOL


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Give yourself permission to f-up. 

By doing so you allow yourself to grow. 

Who says we have to have it all figured out to be happy. 

Give yourself permission to be happy. 

Happiness is truly a state of mind and not a destination.  

Own yourself, your life, your choices, your mistakes and where you are right now. 

Show yourself compassion. 

You are enough right now just the way you are. 

The last one is huge for me. I forget to be kind to myself. 

So be kind to yourself and to others. It was never something that was meant to be earned in the first place. 

ASPIRING, Sharing

THE UPSIDE OF BLUE


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I really do believe that I AM an optimist at heart. However, sometimes it gets really hard (like really hard) for me to remember that. Especially lately. And I know I’m not the only one.

You know that feeling you get when you pull yourself out of the dumps? It’s a pretty good feeling right!  Do you also remember giving yourself a celebratory pep talk that went something like, ” I will never let myself come to a time like this again!” Fast forward a few years and here you are again in a similar circumstance and a similar mindset. Now your back to the bottom of Sisyphus’ hill.

Well my friend I’m here to tell you it is A-Okay! I mean I know it doesn’t feel like that, but that’s kind of  the point. Let me explain.

After years of scolding myself for letting myself get down, I recently realized something.  Contrary to popular advice of pushing through, sucking it up, and essentially ignoring my feelings because they were just a form of weakness that I needed to push through like a cross fit work out: I have arrived at the conclusion that it is OKAY to FEEL sad. In fact it’s more than okay, it’s actually probably helpful and maybe even necessary. I know, I know.  You are probably thinking “what gives lady? How is being sad helpful? Clearly you must be abusing Valium or have never really experienced a crap life circumstance.” While neither of those are true… I understand the knee jerk, eye roll response. I had the same reaction. But hear me out.

As annoying and debilitating as the emotion of “sadness” is, don’t you think it too deserves a silver lining? Think about it. What purpose does sadness serve? I don’t believe that it is some perfunctory creation of our biology or consciousness. Everything in nature and its very design (which we are a part of) is amazingly efficient and highly organizational. Meaning that every thing and being and all of their cells have an efficient purpose and function. So why would our biology be any different? Assuming that emotions arise from biochemicals, why would they be an exception to the rule? And even if emotions aren’t created biologically,  but rather come from some other part of us that we are not able to yet measure, they still function within our physical-ness (…biology). My point is we are not an exception to the highly organized and efficient nature of nature. See what I did there eh eh… Anyway my point is that we are not above it all. We too are nature. And somehow we as a species have forgotten and/or may have been actively fighting this fact. But why?

Really though…WHY?

You see it takes way too much energy to produce emotions for me to believe sadness is just this storm of nonsensical neural activity driven solely by potentiality based on a meaningless influx of neurotransmitters generated by chance reactionary circumstances. Yeah.

What if our emotions, good and bad, are the equivalent to one of our other senses and not just residual from a reactionary process. Acting as feelers for when we are in alignment with what we essentially want to create and experience. For example, we use our other senses to help us navigate the world to either move towards or away from what we perceive to be good/bad, pleasant/unpleasant, safe/unsafe experiences. So perhaps our emotional states serve the same purpose and then some, creating a bridge between the physical and the inner mushy place(aka. soul, inner being, energy).

Now I’m examining sadness specifically, although I do suppose our many other emotions would serve us in the same way as well, but sadness is a quirky little feeling. People mostly find it annoying and it kind of gets neglected on the list of emotions to be grateful for. But what if it’s just misunderstood. What if it’s purpose is to let us know when we are creating or trending toward an overall emotional state that we may not be in alignment with. What if sadness isn’t so much a reaction to an event we just experienced but rather a reaction to the emotional reaction we feel to said event… still with me?

Let me break it down. Say for example you have a goal to lose X amount of weight before a tropical vacay because you plan on feeling fabulous in that super cute bikini that has been stalking you on IG. But then all of a sudden you feel like time decided to slingshot you to a week before the trip and you are no more fit then you were at the start. You start to feel uneasy, anxious, and maybe even resentful toward yourself for not having the will to get it together like you said you would…and now you feel sad. You think you feel sad because you’re not going to look like that IG model did in that bikini or because you essentially failed to meet a goal you had set for yourself. But what if the sadness was actually being generated in response to the negative self-talk and negativity you are creating for yourself in that moment. What if that is your inner beings way of telling you, “Hey! We are starting to go down a path that we don’t want to. A path far away from the truth”. And the truth is you are fabulous and you have a choice to feel amazing in that bikini regardless of how much you weigh. The truth is you are already whole perfect and complete and now you are forgetting that… and perhaps that is why you are feeling sad now. Because you are out of sync with that little inner voice that is a relentless cheerleader for all things made of rainbows,glitter, and cotton candy clouds.

What if we stopped fretting about the inevitable negative emotions, like sadness that we WILL experience, and embrace them instead as a hint or sometimes strong nudge trying to point us in the right direction. And by embracing them we can stop running from them. We can start recognizing the power behind them and learn how to utilize it to move forward instead of getting stuck in a ditch that we keep digging deeper. And if we stop for a second, then maybe we can collect our thoughts for a moment, that may just lead to a foot hold that we can use to pull ourselves out. And then maybe,just maybe we can start feeling better much sooner.

Now I do recognize there are major life events such as the loss of a loved one or a major tragedy that hits us out of no where. And naturally we feel sad at those times. How does this theory of sadness fit in here? Honestly, I am not entirely sure. Mostly because it’s hard to wrap this up in a neat explanation in the face of a tragedy and the ungodly things that people face everyday. So for now I will humbly say I don’t know. And that’s okay. Because really no one knows. We are all just trying to figure it out using our feelings mostly because logic kind of floats away when it comes to comprehending the big why’s in life. No one really has the rules or the answers to this game.

I realize this may sound overly simplified. However, it’s worth a shot trying on a new perspective even if all the details aren’t figured out ahead of time. Maybe somethings can only be revealed to us by the perspective we gain from participation and not from the sidelines.

Either way it’s an interesting thought.

✌️❤️

Elysianish

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>>>


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Hey Lil Bro,

I think you are so gangster for being fearless in the face of connecting with people… despite the social anxiety you feel. I think it is so amazing how  you allow yourself to reach out to those around you that your heart feels called to. Specifically, I love how you connect with people from the homeless community. You are not afraid, you see the human, not the condition. You are drawn to the soul not the person.  And that my dear is perhaps the most beautiful of all gifts that you possess. I truly admire you for that. The world could use more of you’s.

I love you.

ASPIRING

LOA Book Recommendations


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Since I have started my journey in exploring the principles of the Law Of Attraction I have been doing a ton of reading! I think its safe to say that this genre is my new favorite in the world of literature. It notice the concepts taking form in all sort of different disciplines from the typical self-help format down to the nitty gritty world of quantum mechanics. Below I have listed a few of the books that I have flowed to and have really helped to broaden my understanding. Now I’m not saying believe every word of everything you read. But these reads are great to massage the possibility of the unknown in our minds. I hope you enjoy them and playing with the ideas they present as much as I did. If you have any personal recommendation on this subject matter please let me know! I am especially interested in learning more about the quantum connection 🙂

P.S. The book images are all active links to purchase the books on amazon. Easy peazy.

  1. The teachings of Abraham from Esther and Jerry Hicks.

2. Seth Speaks and the Seth Series. I have yet to read this books. But the original material was referenced in the LAW OF ATTRACTION.

3. You Are A Badass (One of my favs!) I actually recommend starting with this book. It’s a great way to ease into the concepts of the LOA.

4. Becoming Supernatural

5. Playing the Matrix

Enjoy! Let me know your thoughts if you find yourself reading these recommendations 🙂

Peace and Love,

Elysianish

Sharing, WRITING LETTERS

Dear Soul Sister,


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      Thank You. Thank you for being a witness to my life. Thank you for being a witness to the parts of me that are the best of me. The parts of me that forget to exist when I’m feeling weighed down by the expectations and chaos of family. The parts of me that forget to sparkle when I’m feeling insecure from a mismatched romantic interest. Thank you for reminding me of my truth when I start doubting myself. Thank you for always standing in who I am even when my ugly is running rampant; lets be honest, it gets pretty frikin ugly at times LOL.  Thank you for allowing me to feel safe and giving me a space to share my authentic self (whoever that may be on any given day :P). Thank you for not judging me even though I’m not so good at that myself sometimes. But most of all thank you for being a witness to my life and sharing yours with me.

Thank You ❤

Elysianish

Peace, Love, and Namaste

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The Double Standard


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I was introduced to the concept of feminism years ago. Although, at the time I never really gave it much thought. Probably because I was in middle school and I had greater pressing problems on my mind like deciding between team N’Sync or the Backstreet Boys (obviously N’Sync) or how my friend was dating my soul mate and sucking face right in front of me allll the time.  Anyway, I didn’t understand why I needed to declare I was a feminist. I mean wasn’t just “being” a woman enough? Like why did I need to go and label myself as super woman? And why the F did it even matter? Life is just fine for me…

Thankfully I grew out of my adolescent understanding of the term and grew into my big girl shoes. Looking back now I can see that I started to fight the “good fight” even back then. In my naive state of mind I didn’t understand the labels, I didn’t understand the political/social implications of my mighty meek attempts to stick it to the man (literally my father). However, what I did understand was the feeling of being treated like the lesser or the other. It wasn’t a good feeling and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut like a “good girl”. All of a sudden I realized life was just fine… and I wanted more.

I grew up in a comfortable home. My parents had built a financially stable home life for for us. I can even safely say I don’t recall ever wanting something and them not providing it for me. We were involved in school activities and sports and they always wanted us to have the best of everything. They wanted us to have the best they could provide to insure they did whatever they could to give us the best chance at succeeding in life.

But for some reason I still felt like there was some sort of difference between my brother and I. I never really could put my finger on it. For the longest time I thought it was because he was the baby of the family and that’s why he got favored in many ways. He almost never was made to do chores and somehow he always got away with everything. I on the other hand was always assigned to do some ridiculous chore and somehow always managed to find myself on my fathers unfavorable side despite my far superior manners and behavior in comparison to my little bro. Clearly there was a lot more going on here between my father and I that can’t all be explained by sexism. Buttttt there was definitely a lot of that going on in the  background that added to the dysfunction between us.

You see I come from a culture that is oppressive towards women in many ways. Woman are expected to be subservient to men. If you are a good woman you know your place and that is second to the men in your life. Growing up you learned this in subtle ways. No one ever sat you down and explicitly recited this hierarchy to you as a young girl. It was just something you learned; much like socially acceptable behavior and cultural mannerisms like keeping your legs shut when wearing a dress or in every context ever. Growing up this sexist perspective was incubated in every plausible social setting imaginable.

At house parties you always saw the men sitting separately from the women, drinking, chatting and acting a fool like drunk people do. Meanwhile the women always seemed to find themselves socializing in the kitchen. A simple hand gesture or call from the men would get them whatever party food they were running low on. God forbid they get up and walk 10 ft to the kitchen to provide it for themselves. The women on the other hand always seemed to be content socializing and cooking away in a frenzy to make sure everything was just right. I was always so perplexed by this social “norm” in our culture. I was always beside myself thinking how is this ok? And why is no one bothered enough about any of this. Why the hell aren’t any of these women visibly mad! I never once saw any of the men come help in the kitchen (except for the rare woke uncle) and I never once saw any of the women join the men in the convo or a drink **gasp**. I remember thinking  “umm pretty sure the women are adults too, why the hell don’t they get to drink?” Shortly after I turned 21 I even remember asking my mom about these differences I observed, yes it was mostly prompted by a grand scheme to be able to drink w/out being chastised, and her response was disappointing. She laughed a nervous laugh and responded, “because that’s just not something our women do. It doesn’t look good”. It made me so sad. Mostly because I realized she didn’t see herself the way I saw her; as an equal to my father… actually I saw her higher up on the totem pole. Always have and always will. That sadness quickly shifted to another noxious feeling.  I just kept thinking ” What?! Seriously you’re really 100 with that explanation to yourself? To me?” Having a good time isn’t appropriate for women but it’s ok for the men? Since that day I found myself making little strides for myself, for the feminine in me and the younger generation of women in my family. Even if the act was super simple like ordering a drink at dinner or wearing something that my father didn’t approve of. Yes I realize these all sound like acts of teenage defiance. But that’s exactly my point. The women in my cultural circle were not being treated as equals or even full-fledged adults with their own wants and opinions. And that simply would not do.

I finally started to come into my own in my mid twenties. I started to actively take a stand for myself at these little family gatherings. At one event in particular I remembered seeing my younger brother (6yrs younger) being asked by one of my uncles if he wanted a drink and I was standing right next to him. But the thought didn’t even cross my uncle or my brothers mind to ask me if I wanted one. I wasn’t asked because I was a girl and girls can’t, don’t, and won’t drink. So naturally I asked my uncle, “why I wasn’t offered a drink?” And he had the most surprised look on his face that quickly resolved into a comical laugh and a challenging reply, “if you want one you can have one too.” To which I replied “captain and coke please!”.

I realized I could ask most of the family if they consider their to be a difference between the girls and the boys and most would respond with an adamant no. For most of the them it’s not sexism it’s just the way things have always been and how they are. The same as my moms answer to my question. It’s a systemic belief system that is otherwise left unchallenged. And people don’t really realize they have a belief system around something until it gets challenged and well makes them feel uncomfortable. It’s only when our internal alarms are triggered that way tend to focus our attention on something that otherwise appeared just fine to us.

This cultural sexism stems much farther than my culture. I learned the double standard extends far beyond the walls of my home, my family, and my culture. I have witnessed it amongst many many cultures and countries. Including ours. Good ol’ USA. The beacon of the free world. Yet it seems our culture is still having a hard time moving towards gender equality. Don’t get me wrong. We have made many strides. Just not nearly enough. People and women got comfortable over the past couple of decades but we are waking up again. We are realizing the women’s suffrage movement was never complete and will not be until women are truly seen as an equal to men. If, as a woman in the 21st century, I still have to make an argument for how and why I am being treated unequally; the movement is most definitely far from being over.

So if you are a woman and you feel like you are being treated unequally from your male counterparts at work, at home or anywhere, make a stand for yourself. The buck doesn’t just stop at women. If you’re a dude and witnessing the double standard you too have just as much of a responsibility to speak up. I’m not saying go stand on a street corner and picket (unless that’s what you want to do) or that you have to make some grandiose gesture. Even the smallest gesture can make a world of a difference: like simply raising awareness in your own social circles by having a conversation about it. Every bit counts. Even you just taking the time to read this and considering my perspective is progress. So thank you for your time 🙂

Peace, love and namaste,

Elysianish

 

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KINDNESS


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Today I held your face between my palms and I kissed one cheek at a time. On my way out I realized I had never felt my fathers face like that before and it was possible I would never again get the chance after the moment passed. And so in that moment I conquered the stories we piled up in the space between us and took what was mine. Kindness.

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#INeverExpire


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” The campaign is aimed at encouraging women to challenge the belief that destiny is set at birth. The #INeverExpire campaign sheds light on the fact that age-related pressure impacts women everywhere.” – SK-II

 I just learned about the #INeverExpire campaign by SK-II the other day while flipping through my IG account. However, its been going on for a year now since the campaigns initial launch in Asia with a short film titled The Expiry Date. The campaign showcases the impact many women feel from age related pressures. Specifically it highlights the societal expiration-date of age 30 placed on women. This “expiration date” eludes to numerous implications of what a women is and isn’t, should and shouldn’t be by the age of 30.

As a woman in her 30’s I can completely relate to this.

Growing up around my immediate family I was the eldest (female) amongst my baby brother and our cousins. Although being the oldest had its perks it also came with a lot of pressure. I had to be the first to break through parental blocks on curfews, attending sleep overs, and parties. As an adult that pressure translated to having to be the first to stand up against expectations of choosing a specific career path,  accomplishing higher education degrees in a specific time frame, and the biggest one of them all… getting married by a specific age.Well lets just say I broke those expectations and the hearts of family members cringing at my so called failures.

But I didn’t care. This was my life and I was going to do it my way.

I have always done things at my own pace and to be honest I have struggled to keep up with the average timeline that people tend to stick to mostly because it never appealed to me and I thought it was a pile of S#!% 🙂 . You know the drill: graduate with a bachelors by age 21, meet someone and get married by age 25 and have 1.5 kids, own a home by age 30. I never felt the need to set goals based on an age related timeline.  I didn’t understand why these societal goals needed to be tied down to any age at all to begin with. I have always done things on my own time and in my own way despite the pressure from various social circles. I have always followed my heart over checklists. Yes, I have struggled because of some of my choices but then again who hasn’t? I refuse to contribute to the notion that life goals and milestones are more meaningful if accomplished by a certain age. There is no expiration date for hopes and dreams and most certainly not for living your life…well except for death…maybe even then… I digress…

Anyway, it’s nice to see a brand like SK-II use their social platforms to bring dialogues like these into the mainstream light. Not only are they addressing real issues but they are helping to set a new president for brands in the beauty industry. Yes the beauty industry is based on superficiality but it seems that brands like SK-II are beginning to understand that you don’t need to degrade women into a cookie cutter package of worthiness and beauty to appeal to them. Finally!

I mean I might actually consider splurging some serious dough for a product of theirs compared to the next guy because of this marketing move. It’s kind of a win win. A win for them and a win for the voice inside every woman that believes she can and should live her life however she sees fit, regardless of her age.

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IF YOU’RE IN THE MOOD FOR A POSITIVE RANT…


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Friend: I really appreciate your friendship with all my “wrongs”.

Reply: We all have “wrongs”. Continue reading message if you’re in the mood for a positive rant… lol

It’s easy to get carried away feeling guilty when we aren’t operating at our best or when we fail at something. But the good news is each of us has a choice to try to move towards or away from the person we want to be every minute of everyday. And ALL of us fail and succeed at that every day. And we all have our own unique battles. And no one battle is better than the other. B/C it’s all subjective if that makes sense. And the battles we fight don’t define who we are and or our worthiness of friendship/love/and compassion. Neither do the things that happen to us b/c of the choices we make. So basically what I’m saying is keep your chin up and lover yourself and believe in yourself matter what! You will fail over and over, but you will also grow each time if you let yourself. Don’t waste your time being mad/upset/sorry for yourself (I know easier said than done cuz I do this shit all the time 😛 #workingonit). Those feelings don’t serve you. You can have the support of an army but it won’t do a damn thing for you if you don’t love yourself and believe in yourself. There is no reason to believe that you aren’t a powerful badass being. You just have to allow yourself to be 🙂

…end rant. &hearts ♥️

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California Festival of Speed


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This past weekend the Auto Club Speedway in Fontana, C.A. held the 17th annual California Festival of Speed. The festival of speed also just happens to be home of the 911 timeline. What does this mean… It makes it a great event for Porsche enthusiasts to ogle and show of their contribution to the decades worth of 911 design on display. However, the event is not limited to Porsche owners. Anyone interested in performance vehicles is welcome! This years festival featured multi-level races, food trucks, vendor merchandise,  and a shared love of the need for speed. Check out the pics below of some of the eye candy and scenes from this years festival!